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My Wildly Unpopular Opinion…

I’m just going to come out and say it:

I don’t like mates.

total shock

I know, I know – this is crazy talk, especially coming from a paranormal romance author whose next novel is called The Wolf’s Lover.

Fated mates is the troupe in paranormal romance. Twilight did it. Kresley Cole does it. Basically, it’s white on rice in the paranormal romance world.

The details vary, but PNR mates are almost always some take on, “I can only love my fated mate.” In Cole’s Immortals After Dark series, some of her fantastical creatures can only orgasm with their fated mates.

That would suck, yo.

Yes, I’ve read books with fated mates. I’ve even enjoyed some of them. But overall, the whole mates thing just does not work for me.

Why not?

Lemme break it down for you.

What’s sexier?

The dashingly handsome alpha male werewolf grabs you in his burly arms, stares into your eyes, and says, “I love you. Because it is physically impossible for me to fall in love with anyone else. Or even have sex with anyone else. It’s basically you or lifelong celibacy, baby.”


The dashingly handsome alpha male werewolf grabs you in his burly arms, stares into your eyes, and says, “I love you. Because I’ve been around a bit and, after experiencing what the world has to offer, I choose to be with you. Cause you’re the best, baby.”

dreamy sigh
*dreamy sigh*

Plus I think it’s a cop out.

I know it’s hard to describe why exactly two people fall in love, because love is irrational and ineffable. But come on now, if a Disney kid’s movie can do it in one musical number, we don’t need to rely on some mystical, destined force to explain love.

something there that wasn't there before

And finally, I have a philosophical bone to pick with this whole mates thing.

It just doesn’t send the right message.

According to the amazing blog What If?, if we all have one destined soulmate, then only one out of every ten thousand people will find true love. (Check out the post – it’s fantastic.)

Ahhh, science. Is there anything more romantic?

So, if our fiction goes on and on about how amazingly awesome it is to have your special mate  – literally the only person you are physically capable of screwing for the rest of your life – we might get this misguided idea that love is a magical, sexual connection you either have or don’t have from the outset, instead of realizing love involves a sexual connection AND having conversations with a person until you actually get to know them and realize you kinda like them.

Then maybe you’ll decide you only want to screw one person for the rest of your life.

Or not…


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3 thoughts on “My Wildly Unpopular Opinion… Leave a comment

  1. Couldn’t agree more, I think the same thing about that whole trope and just don’t get what is so romantic or desirable about it as a fictional device or plot point. I don’t think it is that great if he is with me because I am the only person he can be biologically be with for life as determined by “fate” or biology and he has no choice about it whatsoever. Isn’t it better if he, rather than taking one sniff of me and “knowing”, (ew?) , got to actually know me as a person and chose me over any other females he might have sex or spend his life with? So glad you brought this up!


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